The Art of Commenting on Pictures

My blog is mostly spanking and discipline stories. If you’re here for those, please see my spanking stories index.

This post was originally posted on my Fetlife but I am cross posting it here. I largely had comments on fetlife pictures in mind when I wrote it, but it may apply anywhere where you are commenting on people’s pictures, especially spanking or kink related pictures.

I’ve decided to write a post about commenting on photos. Why? Because I both get on my pics, and see on others, a fair amount of comments that range from totally inappropriate to insufferably eye-rolly.

I’ve decided to focus more on the latter here. I assume most people in Camp Totally Inappropriate know what they’re doing and are doing so mostly intentionally, so a post like this would probably have no impact.

This is more for people who don’t actively want to make the picture-poster sigh, roll their eyes, or consider delete-and-block, or don’t understand why it’s happening.

But before I unleash my opinions on the internet here are a few points about my post:

1. This is my personal opinion. You’re not required by law to agree with me, read it, or comment on my photos.
2. Don’t tell me about how it’s a free world/country or whatever you wanna say about ‘free speech’. This post isn’t about whether you’re technically allowed to make your comment under the law. It’s about good commenting etiquette. Do you really want the best thing going for your comment to be that it’s not technically illegal? (Don’t answer that).
3. This is largely about commenting on the picture of someone you don’t know well. If you have an existing friendship or relationship with someone, the etiquette rules may be different.
4. This isn’t exhaustive, nor does it necessarily always apply perfectly in every situation. Etiquette is tough to break down into specific rules!

Right, on with the post!

Here are some dos and don’ts of commenting, according to me:

DO:

• Consider that someone posting a post-play picture is showing something vulnerable, and may be posting soon after playing. They might be feeling tired or droppy. They’re sharing something vulnerable and intimate. It’s good to remember this.
• Remember that if you don’t know a person, you probably don’t know their preferences, how they play, what sort of comments they like to receive, etc. I like to err on the safer/more polite side, the less I know someone.
• Consider if you’d like to receive this type of comment if it was your picture – especially from a stranger (especially from a stranger who is in a category of people you wouldn’t want to be intimate or play with, as you have no way of knowing if you’re in that category to someone else). This isn’t foolproof as people have different comfort levels and preferences, but it’s a good starting point.
• Compliment the picture. Some comments I would enjoy seeing may include things like: “This is beautiful” / “I love your dress!” etc. Think about what would make the poster feel good about themselves (eg. don’t just post something objectifying presented as a ‘compliment’). Pro tip: complimenting clothing/accessories is 100% safer than commenting on appearance of bodies.
• Consider why you want to comment. Do you need to comment on a stranger’s picture? I sometimes do if I want to let them know I think it’s great, or have something I relate to, but often a ‘like’ will do.

Honestly, there are many types of comments that I think are acceptable, but it’s hard for me to break it down into bullet points by type. Things like “ouch! that looks sore” or comments that generally empathize/sympathize I think are fine.

Also relevant questions such as “where did you buy your paddle?”

And relating to something such as “oh yikes, that brush looks ouchy! I have one similar to it and it really hurts!”

It’s possibly easier for me to talk in specifics about what I think isn’t good commenting etiquette than what is… so:

DON’T:

• Criticize the picture, scene, or person. Comments such as “should be harder/redder” or “she needs more” are definitely in the insufferable category. If you think the scene should be done differently, go have your own scene, and do it the way you like it. And remember that different people have different limits, and mark differently.
• Assume things about the scene or project your own fantasies onto it. I’ve had comments about being “over mommy’s lap” on my pics, despite the fact I do not play with those terms or that vibe. Keep your fantasies prompted by a stranger’s scene to yourself, not in their comments section. Similarly, comments such as “she will behave now” if you don’t know the person can be pretty eye-rolly.
• Insert yourself into the scene, or make it all about you. Comments like “me next” or saying what you would do to someone in a picture are in Camp Insufferable. Other people’s personal and intimate pics aren’t your platform for that.
• Make comments about a person’s body shape/type/size. Just don’t go there.
• Comment how horny or turned on you are. This kind of goes under ‘it’s not all about you’ but also… basically, ugh. You really don’t need to inform strangers how horny you are over their picture.
• Use overly sexual language. Yeah yeah yeah it’s a fetish site. But fetish and sex isn’t the same and not everyone’s into super sexual language, especially from strangers.
• Scold or brat someone you don’t know. Getting ‘toppy’ with me if don’t know you and haven’t negotiated that is a pretty quick way to piss me off.

Grey Areas:

• Comments about the marks/redness can sometimes be an etiquette grey area in my opinion. It can depend a little on phrasing. “Beautiful lines” on a caning picture is pretty safe territory in my opinion, but “lovely red ass!” is more in ‘blegh!’ territory. Maybe it’s cause I hate the word ‘ass’ but also, it feels more objectifying than complimenting in this case.

Anyway I’m sure to have forgotten some stuff. Let me know if I missed anything glaring… I also struggled sometimes to articulate exactly what it is that makes some comments so eye-rolly.